Chapter 4: La felicidad no es completa sin una cabra tocando el violín

“Happiness is not complete without a goat playing the violin”: I found the above translation of this quote from ‘Notting Hill’ as I was looking for a picture of Chagall’s ‘La Mariée’ online this morning. I’m not sure why it seems to have struck me more in this Spanish translation than it did the countless times I watched the film in the original or in Italian. Perhaps because, detached from its context (I hadn’t noticed the goat in the picture yet) it assumes a much more metaphysical significance; perhaps because, detached from Hugh Grant, I payed more attention to the sentence itself. However that may be, I feel like it describes my day and my week quite well.

This term I sub-edited a really cool paper (if I say so myself, and I do) called the ‘Oxford Review of Books’ and yesterday we finally launched the issue and it was a success. What’s more, I interviewed Professor Mary Beard, an absolute Classics myth (ha-ha) and one of my role models since always. I distinctly remember reading ‘Pompeii’ while I was waiting for my interview at Wadham (i.e. my college), not to mention reading or watching anything else by her that I could land my hands on in the weeks preceding the interview. So, yes, it was a really big deal that I got to interview her. If that wasn’t enough to keep me happy for the rest of eternity, as I feel it should be, I woke up early today and pretty much finished all of my packing, which is usually a rather tragic experience. I then sent out some copies of the ORB, one of which to Mary Beard herself, and I had two meetings with my tutors, from which it transpired that everyone is happier with me that I am with myself. Finally, I ate a lot of pasta (I feel like this is becoming a recurring theme in this blog … ) while watching a surprisingly nice episode of ‘Anne with an E’ and then I went to my last ever literature tutorial, which admittedly was a bit sad.

Nevertheless, not sad enough to justify the wave of ennui that overcame me almost immediately after leaving the tutorial. I am not going to describe how it felt like because I believe myself still in danger of being drowned in it, but boy was it bad. I needed to walk but the park was closing so I went to the college garden and walked round and round and round until other people started flocking around, so I left. It was too dark to walk much longer anyway, and I knew only one other thing would do; even though *technically* I am currently reading three books (The Once and Future King, Poldark, and Bufinch’s Mythology), I had to go to Waterstones. So I did, and I bought three more (A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, Franny & Zooey, and Saints for All Occasions).

Yet, Atra Cura - Black Anxiety - still forms a tight knot at the pit of my stomach, and will not go. I guess “la felicidad no es completa sin una cabra tocando el violín”.

Sincerely yours truly,

Raff x

#lifeblogging #marybeard #athreegrowsinbrooklyn #frannyandzooey #ennui